Monday, June 20, 2011

a little bit heavy

 This morning... well maybe we should just start late last night, i woke up at least 5 times last night before finally "getting up" at 6:30 with Micah :).  In my sleep deprived state i had one single thought boring into my mind "I want my life to matter".  There are so many things i want... and i don't consider myself a material person but lately i've been examining myself a little more critically.  At church this sunday the pastor gave an astonishing statistic.  If all the population was frozen at this point in time, at the rate churches are adding believers it would take 4,000 years to reach everyone for Christ.  And i thought, first "that is incredible" and second "when was the last time i lead someone to christ?".   I don't mean to minimize anyone's personal goals because like many others i have goals to finish my BA,  start singing regularly again, sell some artwork and start a photography business, but in the midst of all the struggling i have to do just to move one foot in front of the other to make my way toward these goals, i pray i never forget my main goal: to win the lost to Christ.  It isn't my goal so i can feel worthy or justified in my life, but it is a cry from my innermost heart to see people suffering from the reaping of their own harvest of bad decisions, have a heart change that will effect their whole life.  God is waiting with open arms to accept them and teach them to live eternally.  I am not like most  religious people who assign rules and regulations, but i believe God was a God of goodness and common sense.  God banned many foods from jewish diets in the old testament.  If you research the effects on the body by these foods, you would understand why God asked them to abstain.  I think it is so easy to get caught up in a relationship when sex is involved (not to mention std's which no one knew about in early  biblical times, plus pregnancy and it was even more difficult for an unwed mother to care for her child back then) and not really take the time to get to know everything about the person you are so "in love" with.  I pray that God realizes this goal in my life.

On a lighter note I went to the mall today :)  And i would just like to give a shout out to all the ladies out there carrying huge purses that are stocked full of the necessary (and sometimes unnecessary items).  Ladies  that are constantly getting made fun of, but are constantly being asked if they might have what someone else needs because they forgot theirs at home :).  yep that is me- extra diapers, wipes, band-aides, clothes, cortizone, afterbite, bug spray.... the list goes on.  Yes i carry an overnight bag for a purse and my baby and quite possibly my four year old would fit inside together.  It is a lot... but i have nice biceps :)

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